A fulfilling sex life is critical to overall human health. It makes
for a great means to connection and intimacy, but also acts as a
source of stress relief and yes, even exercise! The physical and
emotional challenges of our daily lives make sex a welcome little
‘rest stop’ on the road of life, as long as we share the right
connection with someone.
Some of the keys to creating a healthy sexual connection include
understanding of your partner’s body and how it works, how to ignite
and sustain desire between you, and keeping the feelings between you
open and intimate. Communication is always important, especially
when you have unresolved tension between you over some event or
ongoing ‘thing’. Talking these things out is vital to the health of
the relationship, and therefore contribute to a healthy sexual
connection.
Another important issue is the area of sexual taboos. Most of us
have an internal set of rules that tells us what is ok or not in the
bedroom. Sometimes early life experiences can affect people’s
sexuality in adulthood. It can be very hard to break though these
barriers, and can be frustrating to the partner who wants to
experiment more. Openness and communication, plus a heck of a lot of
patience and understanding are needed to allow these issues to get
worked out. Sometimes an experienced therapist can make the
difference.
A healthy sex connection also depends upon what stimulates each
partner. If you can find ways of sharing stimulation, so the each
partner becomes stimulated by the actions of the other, you have
grounds for a highly fulfilling and healthy sexual connection. Of
course this often requires experimentation, and testing of things
that are unfamiliar to you or your partner, and exploring these
avenues can be both highly erotic and good for intimacy all at once.
And as long as both partners like where you are exploring, give it a
go!
One of the best ways to increase your sexual connection with a
partner is to decrease inhibitions in yourself. Overcoming
inhibitions is never easy, but using a few tricks can ease up the
pressure a little. Try the following tips.
First of all, talk about your desires and fantasies. Make them known
to your partner in order to ‘get items on the table.’ Let him know
what you’re interested in trying, or what you might have difficulty
with.
Once you’ve talked about it, either in the bedroom or previously (to
lay the ground rules) begin by slowing way down, or asking your
partner to slow down. You can’t rush something that someone is
having difficulty with. If it is you, tell your partner that you
want to accommodate him but that he needs to slow down to allow you
to get into this new thing.
Next, give yourself ‘outs’ by setting up a signal to use at any
point along the way. Talk with him before hand and choose a motion
or word that indicates for the other partner to slow down. By
letting each other know that when either of you feels too
uncomfortable, you build in ‘emotional safety nets’ that do wonders
for breaking new ground.
The path to having a truly fulfilling relationship is totally
intertwined with having a healthy sexual connection with your
partner. The two are one and the same for most of us. By exploring
what makes the relationship better you get a lot of what makes the
sex better too! Keep the relationship healthy, and the sex will
usually follow!
